It Happened to Me

                                                                                             by Kalyn Cherry

What was "It"?
      The nightmare of being sexually abused.
         "It" was a detestable thing to experience. "It" broke my heart, and shattered my soul. "It" took away my innocence and snatched years from my existence. "It" brought me more pain than I ever imagined possible. "It" nearly destroyed my life.

        Growing up in a strong and close Christian family, I knew that evil existed, but I was sheltered and protected from it at a very young age. Though I would hear of terrible things happening such as murder, rape, molestation (any form of sexual abuse), and adultery, I knew that sort of thing didn't happen to anyone in my family. Those sort of things only happened to the unfortunate people "out there."

        What I never realized was that these and all other evil intruders (sins, powers of darkness) don't just walk up to your door, knock, and say, "Hey, can I come in and visit you for awhile? Can I murder you, use you, abuse you?" NO! They sneak in wherever they find a crack in someone's life. What I also failed to realize was that I had a crack...or a few. So I not only had some cracks (sins, imperfections, temptations, weaknesses) in my life, but I was oblivious to the fact that the devil and his forces wanted to sneak in through these areas and destroy my life! 1 Peter 5:8 says, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

       When an intruder (the devil) came to me in the form of a man playing the part of a friend and companion with acceptance and with counterfeit love, I failed to recognize it for what it was, and I welcomed the man into my life. How I wish I would have been alert and aware of the powers of darkness seeking to destroy my young, blossoming life.

        He started out as an innocent acquaintance, and then he became a family friend. But when this forty-six year old "friend" began finding me alone, hugging me, and seeking me out at all times of the day (and night) by Internet, then phone, something had become terribly wrong. But instead of seeing this deadly trap set for me and fleeing, I walked right into it. I craved attention and romance, like most teenage girls, and I failed to recognize what else would come with it.

        On and off for two and a half years I was involved in this unlawful, abusive relationship. Which was, In my case, carried out by phone and Internet contact. Feeling trapped in a miserable cycle of excitement, guilt, pain, and confusion, I was unable to escape. I thought that I loved this man, and he was my future and my life. I was being used and controlled, and had lost my ability to reason and my power to walk away. The control of my mind had been stolen, and I was made to believe that I was in a normal relationship that would last. Nothing could be farther from the truth!

        At fifteen, I was living a secret life from my family and friends. I behaved like a fifteen-year-old during the day, going to school, babysitting, and hanging out with friends. But at night, I became a different person, sneaking around, lying, and having contact with a man thirty-one years my senior. I thought that I enjoyed living like this, but deep down, I longed desperately for someone to see my pain and rescue me from the sinking pit I found myself in. In my heart I knew that what was taking place in this relationship was wrong, so why didn't I do something to stop it? The power of sexual abuse goes beyond the abuser or merely human control. The forces holding me were very deceiving, at times enjoyable, and always destructive. I didn't see the poison that was filling my mind, nor the perversion that was wrecking my innocence.

        On October 20, 2002, this corruption stopped abruptly when my father found a phone bill that gave away my secret. The days and months that followed this ugly unveiling were horrific. Though the abuse itself halted, the pain only multiplied many times over. At only fifteen, my life had lost its meaning, and I began a downward spiral into the pit of depression lasting for many months. I quit eating, quit functioning, and quit living life. I spent the long days in my dark room under blankets. Only wanting to die, I began to self - mutilate and contemplate suicide. I became angry and destructive to those around me. I had been desecrated and defamed, abused and damaged beyond my ability to cope. My mind had been confused, my heart crushed, and I thought I had no where to turn. As far as I was concerned, my life was over.

        But just like the Lord saved David in Psalm 40:2, He came through for me. "He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." The Lord Jesus Christ did a miracle in my life. After months of hopelessness, He restored to me hope, joy, peace, and abundant life in Him! It wasn't an easy road to recovery, but the Lord proved faithful. Through my family, the Word of God, and the prayers of many people, HE rescued ME! There are days even now that I struggle with past memories and pain, but I know that I can turn to my Heavenly Father and His word to find comfort, hope, and healing. Isaiah 41:13 says, "For I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, 'Do not fear, I will help you.'" In all, the Lord has brought me farther through this experience than I would otherwise be.

       Though I look back with remorse over lost time, I rejoice over the Lord's victory in my life. I am sometimes still shocked that "It Happened to Me."